How To Fix Communication In A Marriage: Solution To Lack Of Communication In Marriage
How to fix communication in a marriage - Solution to lack of communication in marriage.
Developing communication skills in marriage is a very important step toward maintaining a happy marriage. When you as a couple have taken on a pattern over time of not talking an issue through to some sort of resolution, and you want to change that pattern to save your marriage, what can you do?
Marriage relationships can be tricky. The suggestions below apply just as much to the one who is stuck in terminal rightness as to the one who doesn't talk. The former is the bully. The one who doesn't talk can be either keeping the peace or bullying the other through silence.
If you find yourself with some variation of this in your marriage, you are likely in a lonely and unfulfilling place.
To understand what to do about it, think back to the very beginning of your relationship when you did talk freely with each other. You enjoyed listening to one another. Yes, you did talk and listen because that was the only way available to get to know each other. Furthermore, it was the getting to know each other that led to your finding you liked each other, and ultimately, committing to each other.
A million things can come along to interrupt the initial pattern of talking and maintaining good listening skills -jobs, children, financial stress, hobbies, new friends, education, illness, deaths and old family patterns-in other words, life.
I hear repeatedly from couples in trouble excuses like, "But I know what he'll do," "I know what she'll say," "I know what he's thinking," and "That's just the way she is." With each such claim, the other sits in total frustration for being so misunderstood.
What is totally missing from statements like these is any acknowledgment of the fact that we all grow and change throughout life. They are reacting to what they remember, not what is now. They cannot possibly know what is now, if they do not have communication in their marriage.
Fortunately, even in cases this extreme, there may be a solution short of separation and divorce, especially if other marriage-enders such as infidelity or disdain are absent. Your solution is to set aside the lie that you already know your partner, and then get to know them.
Eileen and I have been talking with each other for thirty years and we still learn new things about each other almost daily. If we are apart for a few days, we have a lot of catching up to do. So how could you possibly be up to date on whom your partner is if you have not been communicating?
You liked each other once when you were doing lots of talking and listening. The chances are you will connect again if you get to know each other again. Get into each other's head and heart. How does the world look through their eyes? As you get inside of your partner's world, what are you learning about yourself? Share this.
It is possible, of course, that when you truly get to know each other again, you will make the mutual decision to part, but now you can do it with dignity and respect.
Do you want to learn the secret to a devoted marriage? How do those couples do it? How do they stay together for 10, 20, 30 years…and still feel that love, connection, and unbreakable desire for each other? The secret is revealed on the next page. So if you feel like your marriage is about to take its last few breaths, then I urge you to visit the next page: Click Here Now!
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Did you struggle to quit smoking or know someone who did? It may really not matter if you end up getting divorced, new research shows. The American Journal of Public Health and the American Psychologist has reported that divorce can take the same toll on your health as smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day. The Journal of Marriage and Family conducted an 8 year study in which they found that divorced women were more susceptible to cardiovascular diseases than men who were divorced.
Effects on Children
What is even more discouraging is the results of divorce on children. In a landmark study conducted by Scott Stanley and Frank Fincham at State University of New York at Buffalo in Couples Research Therapy Newsletter, children of divorce were 2-2.7 times more likely to reject faith and religious involvement. Children from divorced families were more likely to have lower education, financial and achievement levels than their parents or children from solid familial backgrounds.
In, "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce,'' by psychologist Judith Wallerstein, San Francisco State University psychology professor Julia M. Lewis and New York Times science correspondent Sandra Blakeslee, their 25 year research study concludes that divorce has long lasting effects on children all the way into adulthood. Fear and anxiety are common, and many adults are not even aware these issues are related to the divorce of their parents. Children of divorce are also more likely to become addicted to alcohol and drugs, as well, their study concludes.
The Audacity of Respect
So what options are out there? You might not be happy in your marriage, or perhaps you feel unable to impact it. Very simple (but perhaps not easy) application of the love and respect principles taught by Emerson Eggerich has had a resoundingly positive effect on marriages. We see this in Daughters of Sarah, as women are encouraged to respect their husbands unconditionally, whether they deserve it or not. Husbands are commanded in Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her," because love does not come naturally to them. Wives are commanded to respect their husbands because respect does not come naturally to them.
A recent class member in Daughters of Sarah brought this to light when she said, "I can't believe what a difference respect makes in my marriage. I have been fighting for the leadership position in my home for over 25 years, and in the last 6 weeks, my marriage has taken a 180 degree turn - for the better. It's kind of comical; the influence I wanted to have is only mine once I got respect right!" We hear these stories time and time again. "I was done," says another graduate. "I was looking for a way out, and through the class, started respecting my husband. It's amazing how things have changed. It took a while, because I had taught him that I wasn't a 'safe place' and that he couldn't trust me, but 3 years later, things are much better."
What about you? Can you give the respect thing a try? Ask your husband for some ideas of ways to communicate respect to him. Then do them, stand back and watch things start to change.
You CAN save your marriage - even if your spouse says that they want a divorce.
You CAN rebuild that passion you felt for one another when you first kissed. And you can bring back that love and devotion you felt for one another when both of you said, "I love you" for the first time.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favour and visit the next page that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world: Save Your Marriage Now
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