My Husband’s Family Doesn’t Like Me: How To Deal With In Laws Who Don’t Like You
My husband’s family doesn’t like me - How to deal with in laws who don’t like you.
In law problems are no picnic. Not only are they not fun but they are also very damaging; damaging to YOUR self esteem, damaging to YOUR emotional stability, and they can even ruin YOUR good and healthy marriage. They have to be taken seriously and you have to do something about them. But what can you do? In this article I'm going to tell you three things to do and not to do when you deal with your in law problems.
1. Don't spend too much time dreaming about what will be. To spend all your free time thinking how great it will be when they pass away isn't the way to go. Firstly, you don't know how long they will live. (Just to spite you they might live into their 90's and more.) And secondly dreaming of a rosy future is only a way to avoid the present situation without taking any real action towards making things better. It is like when you take a sedative. Things may seem bearable until the medication wears off and then your problems are still there. A much better thing to do is to face the problem and work on a solution.
2. Don't over-plan. To jump into something isn't a good idea but over-planning is also not a good idea; it causes analyzes paralysis- that you do nothing in the end. Have some plan in your mind and begin to implement and track what is happening so you can be flexible in the implementation of it. Try to think of a simple 5 point system that will be easy enough to follow through. Or if creating one plan of action for a specific problems each day is better, find a way to follow through. Just taking a step every day resolving your in law problems will be productive in the long run.
3. If you got a lemon make lemonade. I'm sure that you have heard of the story of the person who boarded the wrong plane and ended up in Italy instead of Norway; not what they expected but also a very nice place. The same is with your in laws. You didn't expect them to be such a pain and so irritating but don't give up. With some creativity (maybe lots) you will be able to find happiness in spite (or despite) them.
We can not always pick perfect in laws when we get married. But it often takes two parties to make a situation worse or help it get better. If you do not allow your in laws to get under your skin, instead showing them that they do not affect you, they may stop doing some of the things they do. Try to talk with them, talk with a counselor or minister, or find a forum online where you can find other people who have gone through the same thing. Share stories, find solutions, and then take the steps to changing your relationship with your in laws.
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Communicating Effectively Results in the Experience of Respect and Love
Many couples struggle with how to communicate effectively. Unfortunately, as the more relational creation, wives need to be more conscientious of the power their words have on the relationship. Too often, there is a failure to communicate expectations, or it is done in such a way that is sarcastic and contemptuous, which then results in a perception of disrespect. This article gives an example of a successful communication through a difficult challenge, providing practical advice of how to 1) get needs met, and 2) set expectations to avoid conflict and pain.
The Boat Trailer
As he climbed into the cab beside her, she looked at him and matter-of-factly said, "I'll do this wrong about 20 times before you even see a glimmer of hope for the possibility that I might be able to tame this monster. I am going on record right now, that what I need is a heapin' helping of extra grace from you - gently coach me through this and encourage me or I'm going to get frustrated, burst into tears and not only will we both be upset, but you'll still have to get out of the boat and trailer it yourself." He stared at her for a brief moment, taking in her statement, then said simply, "You can do this. Just because you've never backed the trailer into the water, doesn't mean you aren't capable of doing it. Let's go." They practiced on the dirt road to the cabin for about half an hour. His voice was calm, his words encouraging, and no tears were shed. Confident in her abilities, he said, "I'll meet you over there in about 10 minutes."
On the drive over to the boat ramp, she had a chance to wonder why things had gone so well. He's tried to teach her a few things in the past, one of the more interesting attempts ended with them capsizing a small sailboat, and most of these experiences involved his getting frustrated and her feelings being hurt. The difference this time was as easy as pulling the trailer to the ramp area(which was remarkably simple). She had clearly stated what she needed from him for things to go well. She communicated expectations - for both of them. After being married for 18 years, they knew each other pretty well. Being a friend and being respectful to her husband often means helping him - sometimes it's pulling the boat out of the water, sometimes it's setting an accurate expectation.
She made two passes at the boat ramp that day, nearly hitting the dock on the first pass, then pulled back for a moment to figure out what didn't work and why, tried again, a little slower and more successfully the second time. The situation resulted in a win/win situation for both of them, not just with the boat, but in their relationship, too.
Bottom Line: Wives can get their needs met and generate respect by how they communicate with their husbands!
You CAN save your marriage - even if your spouse says that they want a divorce.
You CAN rebuild that passion you felt for one another when you first kissed. And you can bring back that love and devotion you felt for one another when both of you said, "I love you" for the first time.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favour and visit the next page that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world: Save Your Marriage Now
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