I Slapped My Husband And He Hit Me Back: My Husband Hit Me For The First Time
I slapped my husband and he hit me back - My husband hit me for the first time.
The increasingly hectic and fast paced life is continuously posing threat to marriages. It is estimated that in United States, 2 million people file for divorce annually. However, when properly managed, the conflicts and arguments arising in a marriage not only get resolved successfully, but also strengthen a relationship as the partners understand each other more deeply after coming out of a conflict.
Marriage is characterised by love, trust and respect between two individuals who share their entire life with each other. Unconditional and selfless commitment makes marriage stronger and successful. However, with time, changes do happen in terms of individual needs, preferences and expectations that give rise to conflicts between the married couple and endanger the marriage. Sometimes circumstances (like personal financial crisis) also add to the pressure and conflict in married life. The couple need to be candid in discussing these conflicts and address them objectively to save their marriage.
Arguments and fights add spice to a marriage and make it interesting. However if not controlled at the right time, they pose a threat to the very existence of the relationship. It triggers many negative emotions like hate, doubt, loneliness and depression in an individual which can even lead to separation or divorce. Therefore it is important to acknowledge the flaws in a marriage and work towards rectifying the issues with mutual understanding and trust.
Avoiding and resolving conflicts in marriage
1. Refrain from your stubbornness for having the last word. Ego inflames conflicts and threatens marriages. When there is a heated argument or disagreement, one of the partners should step back. Winning an argument does not resolve conflicts.
2. Open communication is the key for resolving conflicts. Many couples feel shy in confronting the issues that affect their married life. It is important that the two sit and try to work out a common ground. Without communication conflicts can never be resolved with a mutually agreeable solution.
3. Every relationship is managed by compromise and marriage is no exception. Since both the individuals have an equal stake in the problem at hand, they need to seriously consider the other person's point of view. Unless one hears what the other partner is saying and respects his/her thoughts, conflicts keep growing and will continue to impact the foundation of their married life.
4. Honesty is very important for avoiding conflicts. It is essential to admit when you are wrong and avoid the blame game. This also increases your partner's trust in you.
5. Do not assume that your quarrelsome partner will understand your point of view automatically. Always explain exactly what you mean.
6. Do not judge your partner in things they do. Also do not compare them with others. Every individual is different and respecting this individually helps to avoid conflicts.
7. Promises should be kept in a marriage. One should keep his/her word to become dependable at all times. It reinforces the trust and a feeling of security in your partner's heart that promotes a happy marriage devoid of conflicts.
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Are you experiencing a conflict in marriage? Maybe you can't agree whether to get a second mortgage. Or worse, one of you is having an affair. What are the exact steps to take when facing a conflict in marriage?
1. Face it, don't run away or be in denial
Regardless of what the matter is, your first act must be to face it. If you refuse to or try to run away from it or deny it's happening, it will get worse. Better to deal with it now before it gets bigger or unmanageable.
2. Thrash it out, sooner rather than later
Dealing with it means seriously sitting down to figure out what is happening as objectively and unemotionally as possible. One of you, or most likely both of you, is the cause. Deal with this fact but don't add further blame to the situation. Thrash it out, figure out what needs to be done by both of you. If it's an affair, the spouse responsible must take accountability and end it.
3. Reach a decision about what to do
Once you know what is going on, figure out what to do. Taking the affair example from above, not only must the spouse concerned agree to end it, he or she must agree to take steps to not let it restart.
4. Make things happen
Whatever you have figured out and agreed to do, do it. If you both find you cannot get through these four steps at all, that you keep hitting a wall, then seek help. Very often to deal with a conflict in marriage, you either have to get a counselor to help you, or you need to consult marriage help books and websites to figure out the way forward.
How amazing will it feel to have your spouse look into your eyes and say those magical words, "I will always love you, no matter what"…? Use the "ABCD System" that is reveal in How To Make Your Spouse Adore You Again
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Could we believe that regardless of how sexually free we might have been before tying the knot, marriage is no place for the naughtiness of lust?
~Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity.
A dichotomy forms in-between the definitive stages of passion, the initial stages of romance - and intimacy, the maturing of love beyond the first year. When we consider both of these factors - passion and intimacy - ebb and flow through the duration of the relationship we certainly note the usual waning of passion the longer things go (and with it often, though more latently, intimacy can diminish too) through the seasons in life.
Most marriages struggle for passion, at least from time to time. It's a rather elusive quality.
The author of the above quote mentions that she is astounded "how much people are willing to experiment sexually outside their relationships, yet how tame and puritanical they are at home with their partners." It's clearly a moral wrong and a will bent to sluggard-gain. Lust is clearly a very alluring thing when the generous helpings of love required are doubly hard in relationships; especially as they wind on to the hum of everyday life.
But, what if we could engender "lust" in our marriages?
Refreshingly she calls us to maximise the erotic hope in the home, with our marriage partner of choice - the one we chose all those few or many years ago.
It doesn't take a lot of imagination how we might "spice" things up a little - the main thing is interest level. Are we interested? Both parties to the marriage need to be.
Sex is only staid because we make it that way, when in all reality it's like God - there's an infiniteness to the issues of desire and creativity. We only have to open up to it. And, of course, there are the doubters no matter what is said. The doubters never break away in faith and engage beyond their fears, selfishness or laziness.
Passion needs spontaneity, doesn't it? Yet, Perel turns the tables on spontaneity. She believes that planning - not spontaneity - increases anticipation which in turns switches on desire - this in turn engenders intimacy as there's a lot of forethought and discussion going on between the partners. She also wants us to cultivate play and to become more 'erotically intelligent' - after all, if emotional intelligence can be grown, why not erotic intelligence?
You CAN save your marriage - even if your spouse says that they want a divorce.
You CAN rebuild that passion you felt for one another when you first kissed. And you can bring back that love and devotion you felt for one another when both of you said, "I love you" for the first time.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favour and visit the next page that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world: Save Your Marriage Now
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