My Wife Is Insecure About Her Body: How To Help My Wife With Body Confidence
My wife is insecure about her body - How to help my wife with body confidence.
Low self esteem in marriage or for that matter in other relationships keeps us from allowing others to get close to us. The person with low self esteem generally wants to conceal the things they don't like about themselves from others. They sometimes become distant or hard to get closer to.
It's not just about having low self esteem about the outward appearances but a lot of times people with low self esteem try to conceal weaknesses, fears, feelings etc. In a marriage low self esteem can prevent a person from opening up and letting their spouse see the real person they married, for fear that they will be rejected. It's safer to stay in a comfortable place and not risk rejection or hurt.
Low self esteem in marriage can make communicating openly and honestly more challenging. It's hard enough to receive feedback from our spouse but it's even more difficult in situations where low self esteem is present. The person with low self esteem is probably there own toughest critic and may receive constructive feedback as confirmation of their imperfections. Instead of accepting feedback as something positive it's perceived as negative and can result in damaging the relationship.
Here are some signs that you may be struggling with low self esteem in your marriage;
When one person is consistently demoralized when constructive criticism is given or the person's actions are corrected.
When a person always apologizes or expresses how they never meet their own or spouses expectations.
There is a need to prove one's worthiness of being married and loved.
There is a perception that everyone else is better or perhaps that your spouse deserves someone much better than you.
Low self esteem in marriage can cause the marriage to deteriorate if steps are not taken to correct it. The inability to openly communicate and accept the imperfections of oneself or others can make marriage very difficult. Marriage is the closest relationship people can have and allows couples to see the many flaws that are missed during the courtship period.
Tips to improve low self esteem in marriage
1. Unconditional love - Spouses must know (and believe) that their spouse loves them unconditionally and how they look or feel about themselves has no effect on the love they have for one another. If this is not clear in a marital relationship it must be cleared up quickly. Let your spouse know this if you haven't done so.
2. Look forward - Make sure you don't dwell on past mistakes or misfortunes in your relationship or in particular about your spouse. Let your spouse know that together you are moving forward focus on the positives and for every constructive criticism you give your spouse have 3 or 4 positive things to provide feedback on.
3. Guard your tongue - Watch how and what you say to your spouse. Make sure you don't say things that can tear them apart or knock them down. Your words have the power to either help build up your spouses self esteem or the power to destroy it and perhaps your marriage.
4. Support your spouse - Marriage is the blending of two into one. When a spouse is down his or her spouse should be there to help get them back up. Couple should support each other by valuing, respecting and building each other up. You should be your spouses' best cheerleader. They should receive enough encouragement from you that builds up their self esteem.
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Volumes have been written on the importance of taking responsibility. Some of it is psychological, some of it legalistic and much of it moralistic. This article is about taking responsibility for your own emotions, with a focus on marital conflict.
An argument typically starts over something small. If it can be nipped in the bud, it's nothing. But sometimes it escalates to the emotional boiling point, where voices are raised and both parties are hurling unrepeatable expletives at each other. Alternatively, one or both parties may slip into a seething silence.
Either way, both blame the other for their getting into this emotional state. You know the signs: "You made me do it." "If only you would..." "I got angry because you..." "I wouldn't drink if you..."
You are probably familiar with the typical advice for conflict resolution. Develop better communication skills. Learn to take a timeout when things begin to escalate. Sleep on it. Never go to bed angry. Platitudes! Platitudes!
You've tried a few, but then there's another blowout, walk away, week of silent fuming, drinking binge or spending spree.
What if there was something you could do to change this pattern to avoid marital problems, other than ending the relationship?
To answer this question we have to take a small detour into the psychology of being. You have a story, but you are not your story. You have a body, but you are not your body. You have emotions, but you are not your emotions. You have a mind, but you are not your mind. Your true self is pure consciousness.
Within your brain there is a part called the limbic system. It is an area without language and without any sense of time. It is pure emotion.
Before you learned to talk, intense emotions like anger and fear became associated with events and certain corrective actions. These associations became hard wired. What you experience as emotions today are bodily responses to brain circuitry. Because the amygdale is timeless, intense emotion hijacks your rational thought and distorts your perception of reality.
Therefore, we can add to the above list, "You are not your internal tripwires," and "You are not your negative core beliefs," like "I'm not good enough," or "It's unsafe for me to be happy."
Becoming clear about what you are not will make it easier for you to dis-identify with problems, instead of fighting them reactively and escalating the inner stress. Becoming clear gets you closer to your true self.
Your task is to observe and experience the internal connections and allow them to change from something very negative to something positive. The fact is we now know from the recent studies of brain plasticity, that your thoughts and imagination can change the structure and function of your brain.
The old standby excuse, "That's just the way I am," just doesn't cut it anymore. You may have reacted that way since you were two, but that's your story, not you. Putting the old excuse in the past tense is a very simple first step in dis-identifying with that old, extremely restrictive and false core belief.
Yes, you got angry when your spouse..., but you and you alone are responsible for your emotions. Take responsibility for them.
I'm still working on this one for myself. It's hard, because it's so satisfying to blame someone else for how I'm feeling!
You CAN save your marriage - even if your spouse says that they want a divorce.
You CAN rebuild that passion you felt for one another when you first kissed. And you can bring back that love and devotion you felt for one another when both of you said, "I love you" for the first time.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favour and visit the next page that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world: Save Your Marriage Now
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