How To Save Your Marriage When Your Spouse Is Cheating: What To Say To Your Husband / Wife Who Cheated On You
How to save your marriage when your spouse is cheating - What to say to your husband / wife who cheated on you.
After infidelity, it may seem like there is no end, that you're never going to get your marriage to recover. It may seem hopeless, it may seem like that your life is coming to an end, and it will probably feel like you're being crushed. If you've got the feeling in your chest that screams that you're overwhelmed, you aren't alone.
Your marriage will be more complicated now, and chances are, you're going to feel like there are some skeletons in your closet. You may feel like things are more complicated, like there are now more secrets than ever. Don't despair; it's not hopeless - things will get better.
There are some steps that you can take to save your marriage, however. Listen to your spouse carefully. Why did they do what they did? Don't pry into the details - you don't want those. Be there for your spouse, strong-willed as ever, determined to help them get through this time.
Consider marital counseling, and at least get yourself some counseling. You'll need someone to talk too, someone you know you can trust. You can talk to your spouse, but they did cheat on you, and that is the issue at hand. It will help to have someone who is not involved in the situation in any way. Your friends will be able to be of help and support, but sometimes, friends, without meaning it, can be judgmental, and, without intending too, they can sound like they just want all the juicy details. You need someone to be there for you, who is on your side, who is ready to support you.
Once you find a counselor that works well for you, consider getting a counselor (someone other than the one you already have) who specializes in marriage counseling. Marriage counseling is different - you don't want someone who specializes in something else.
After infidelity, everything changes. Your marriage, which once most likely felt strong, has now been shattered. Your partner - who promised to always be there for you, in sickness and in health - has broken your trust.
Trust is irreplaceable. It's very hard to build trust again once it's been destroyed, and there's certainly no formula for it. After infidelity, it's a totally new and different world. People who have been cheated on know this. There are some groups that have been formed of people who have been cheated on - join one and see how much of a difference it makes. These people have been through the war, they've seen "after infidelity" and what it looks like. They can help you make the steps to recover your marriage.
After infidelity, you must keep up hope. Loosing yourself to depression is the quickest way to end your marriage. Be supportive and strong, and even understanding when you don't want to be. Having someone cheat on you hurts the entire family. Yet you can be the strong one and survive. Marriage is possible after infidelity - as long as you take the necessary steps to bring your family to recovery.
Do you want to learn the secret to a devoted marriage? How do those couples do it? How do they stay together for 10, 20, 30 years…and still feel that love, connection, and unbreakable desire for each other? The secret is revealed on the next page. So if you feel like your marriage is about to take its last few breaths, then I urge you to visit the next page: Click Here Now!
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People often ask me if it's possible "to start over" after one of the spouses in a marriage has had an affair. It's very understandable that usually one or both of the spouses doubt that things will ever "be the same" or "right" again. They suspect that this betrayal has forever altered (or ruined) the potential of their marriage. Even if these assumptions bring about great sadness or loss, many people assume that there really is no way to make things right again. They assume that the cheating and the affair has introduced such a big obstacle and stressor into the marriage that these things can and will never be fully overcome.
I understand these assumptions because I made them myself. And I certainly can't and won't lie. Starting over after an affair is difficult and it takes a lot of hard work. But, it is not at all impossible. I have done it and I know countless people who have been successful at it also. In the following article, I will offer four ways that you and your spouse can begin to start over after an affair.
Make Sure That The Cheating Partner Adequately Expresses His Sorrow And Understanding Of What The Betrayed Spouse Is Going Through: There are few feelings that are as devastating as knowing that your spouse had betrayed you in this way. It's highly likely that you're going to feel like the odd person out and that most everyone knew about this except for you. It's so important that the spouse who cheated completely and truly understands what a huge mistake that they have made. It's perfectly natural for you to want for them to "feel your pain." And it's equally important that they are able to do this.
In order for you to even begin to think about trusting them again, you have to know that they fully understand exactly how devastating their actions were. It's very important that they continuously and clearly communicate this to you rather than assuming or hoping that you know how sorry they are for their cheating. If there was only one piece of advice that I could give a cheating spouse, it would be to directly and repeatedly approach their spouse to express their sorrow and remorse. I can not tell you how many times I hear people say "he's not really sorry. He's just sorry that he's been caught." Your spouse must come to believe that you are really and truly are sorry - so sorry in fact, that you are not going to do this again.
Don't Be Afraid To Delve Very Deeply Into Why The Affair Happened So That You Can Fix What Is Not Working: Many people want to "get over" the affair as quickly as is possible. They don't want to dwell on things for one second longer than they might have to. But, if you attempt to brush things off too quickly, you will likely always have flash backs, fears, and struggles because you did not adequately identify and tackle the problems.
Issues that are not adequately fixed and put behind you have a way or rearing their ugly heads over and over again. This in turn is going to make you doubtful, resentful, and suspicious. It's not until you understand why this happened and then adequately fix these things do you begin to be able to sincerely move on with a decent amount of confidence.
Support Each Other Individually, But Offer The Reassurance That Is Needed: Many spouses who cheated will begin to become frustrated when their spouse begins to focus on their appearance and self esteem. Likewise, the spouse who was cheated on might balk at the cheating spouse wanting to try individual counseling. Both people need to understand that two stronger individuals who are happy and confident are going to make for a stronger marriage. Your spouse will most certainly need to restore their self confidence and self esteem after they have been betrayed in this way. Do not attempt to make them feel guilty for this. Their feeling good about themselves is only going to benefit you.
It's also important that the cheating spouse does the self work needed to work through the issues and doubts that lead to this sort of shortcomings and decision making. Doing self work is completely OK, but you also need to understand that your spouse is going to need reassurance that you're doing this to help your marriage. You need to be patient when your spouse wants for you to check in and wants to know where you have been. This sort of "checking up" needs to happen for as long as is necessary.
Work Together To Create A Marriage That Is Better Than The Marriage Before The Affair: In all honestly, the best way to "start over" after an affair, is to commit to creating a better, less vulnerable marriage. This is really the only way to bring something positive out of something so negative. And, once you are both happy, secure and fulfilled again, then there is really no reason to continue to look back and to live in the past. Yes, it can be a lot of work to get to this new place. But, it can also be very much worth it in the end. I used to be very skeptical of people who said things like "the affair was the best thing that ever happened to our marriage," but now I know that for people who are able to create a new and better marriage, this phrase can be absolutely true.
You CAN save your marriage - even if your spouse says that they want a divorce.
You CAN rebuild that passion you felt for one another when you first kissed. And you can bring back that love and devotion you felt for one another when both of you said, "I love you" for the first time.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favour and visit the next page that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world: Save Your Marriage Now
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