How To Tell Your Husband / Wife Things Need To Change: Asking Your Partner To Change
How to tell your husband / wife things need to change - Asking your partner to change.
You may feel you would like to work on your relationship and perhaps you would like your partner to join you in the journey. Or maybe you are simply frustrated and would like your partner to change some annoying habits. You have probably discovered the harder you try to cajole, persuade, manipulate or force your partner to change the less success you have.
Maybe your partner finds excuses, drags his feet, blames you or withdraws. Whatever his response it has so far not been to enthusiastically embrace the change that you want.
Perhaps it is helpful to consider how you feel when your partner wants you to change. It probably isn't that you are not interested in improving your relationship or that you do not care about your partner's happiness. It could be as simple as you do not like to be told what you should do. When you make changes, you prefer that it is your idea. You are far more motivated to put effort into creating change if the change is something that you want.
Any time someone feels forced or manipulated to change, resistance is the natural response. The reality is that the only person you have much hope of changing is you. Even if you manage to make your partner change, resentment will likely be the bi-product. So many times in counseling we hear that a partner has changed for a week and then gone back to the old patterns. That happens because they were pressured to changed, rather than deciding to change.
"A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still."
Try becoming the change you want to see in your relationship. If you want to be respected, respect your partner. If you want to be accepted, accept you partner. If you want to be understood, put effort into understanding your partner. You may see better results if you back off trying to get your partner to change and work on being the best you that you can be.
Do you want to learn the secret to a devoted marriage? How do those couples do it? How do they stay together for 10, 20, 30 years…and still feel that love, connection, and unbreakable desire for each other? The secret is revealed on the next page. So if you feel like your marriage is about to take its last few breaths, then I urge you to visit the next page: Click Here Now!
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A devoted wife writes on the anniversary of her 9-year marriage:
We've been in the valleys and we have climbed mountains, crossed rivers and raging torrents, dealt with collapsed bridges and tread some rocky roads. But we have also touched the stars, seen the moon and felt the sun's warming rays. We love, are loved and are infinitely blessed.
~Meryl Gennissen.
Marriage seems to be an all-weathers journey intended, in the context of family, to hone our characters in the likeness of Christ.
The depths experienced in marriage resemble weather on earth; the heights resemble the heavenly beings - the sun, moon and stars.
As we consider the imagery cast before us above we can see what an adventure it is, at least as we look back. It's not always that 'exciting' in the midst of those torrents and on those rocky roads. At some points marriage is too exciting to bear! Every married couple surely recognises for all the heights there are the pits too, and more than enough of them.
RECOGNISING THE ROLE OF MARRIAGE IN PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
Meeting a single friend for lunch recently we again ventured into territory for them that brings unrequited sadness - the want of a partner to share all their life with.
There enfolds the sanctity of marriage. For those who've married, singles are very often pleasantly envious.
But singles mightn't fully recognise the challenges embedded in married life. Even though "two are better than one" (Ecclesiastes 4:9a), "two" makes for all sorts of perilous ventures because of the complexity involved in two different people living as one flesh.
Marriage is intended not simply for God's purposes in the procreation of progeny but it's centrally entwined in God's purposes for the honing of character in both partners. This is most visible with recount of the meteorology in marriage - growth under all conditions without recourse to rehearsal. Yes, we do all this familial living in 'live' time, with plenty of practice for regret, guilt and shame (all which we must find ways to recover from).
HOW MARRIAGE MAKES US BETTER - TOGETHER
The principle of God's refining fire is outlined in Hebrews 12:1-13. It details the depths that Jesus went to, and that our depths will not ever be so deep. Because of God's love for us, we therefore "endure trials for the sake of discipline" (verse 7a) and "later" (verse 11) we discover the meaning in it all.
As we consider now in reflection the myriad emotion that marriage takes us through over the years, we can understand that the discipline couched in 'wedded bliss' is for our mutual benefit, and for the family's; it's for God's purposes that we grow suchlike.
To find - as our quote above attests - that "we love, are loved and are infinitely blessed," in spite of the triumphs and hardships, is a vast sphere of united wisdom.
Marriage, with all its weather, does make us better.
How amazing will it feel to have your spouse look into your eyes and say those magical words, "I will always love you, no matter what"…? Use the "ABCD System" that is reveal in How To Make Your Spouse Adore You Again
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Sadly, when the option of divorce comes up, there is not much you can do legally to prevent it. Generally, once the papers are issued, the only way to resolve to the problem is through the couple themselves. This is not always the easiest thing as the choice for divorce is often a last resort. Many people may feel that their relationship has hit a dead end and there is nothing they can do; divorce is inevitable. However, the only one who can make that decision is the couple.
Many times, the relationship is not as hopeless as it seems and there are many ways to stop the decision of a divorce. Most of these ways simply involve being considerate of each other and rekindling the passion that was once there. A good way is by surprising the other often and showing them they were thought of. Romance is a huge part of a relationship and once it dies, it is likely the marriage will start to spiral downward.
Another way to stop a divorce is through communication; you cannot fix a problem if you do not know what it is. It is a good idea to write down what problems you feel the relationship has and then talk about how to fix them. Honesty is key when stopping a divorce because problems that are suffocating the marriage need to be addressed openly. Fixing problems you see in one another or in the relationship will help make it stronger.
Talking to your spouse is the most important thing in stopping a divorce. Although, this can be difficult, especially if the process has already begun, being open and willing to discuss the issues will show that you are serious about stopping the divorce. It is important to go into the discussion with an open mind and an optimistic attitude. If you believe from the beginning that nothing will work, then nothing will. When you begin the discussion in hopes of stopping the divorce, you must both be willing to change and be willing to work at the relationship.
It is not fair for one person to take the blame for all the problems in the marriage. Many times, for a marriage to fail, both people are at fault and it is important to address both behaviors and feelings that are triggered by these behaviors. Both people need to understand the way the other is thinking and the mind set they are in as many times, this is the reason for the marriage falling apart.
Many divorces go without being stopped because couples just do not know how to deal with all of the emotions they have. If stopping a divorce is really something you want, seeking professional help is a good way to start communicating and addressing the reasons for wanting a divorce. If you are serious about stopping the divorce, do not be afraid to get the help you need.
You CAN save your marriage - even if your spouse says that they want a divorce.
You CAN rebuild that passion you felt for one another when you first kissed. And you can bring back that love and devotion you felt for one another when both of you said, "I love you" for the first time.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favour and visit the next page that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world: Save Your Marriage Now
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