What If My Marriage Is Not Working: When Your Marriage Is No Longer Working
What if my marriage is not working - When your marriage is no longer working.
As you go through life, you will face many challenges. Some will be easy to overcome and some will be very difficult. In fact, some can flat out drain you. Well, when it comes to marriage, you and your spouse will go through some challenging periods. You might tell yourself, what can I possibly do in order to save my marriage. When it comes to making marriage work, there is no simple answer, and to top it off, every marriage is very different. Below, I will show you 2 very simple tips that can make a big difference when it comes to making marriage work.
Make Sure You Show Appreciation for Your Spouse
Many times it is very easy to get caught up with everything that is going on throughout day to day operations. Be it work, hobbies, friends, your kids busy extra curricular activities, etc. Sometimes you have to slow down and learn how to appreciate your significant other, even if it is for small amounts of time throughout the day. When couples are together for a long time, they fail to acknowledge just how lucky they really are to have each other until one decides to leave or a tragedy happens. Many times we learn how much we love something or someone till they are gone. It can not get to this point, when it comes to making marriage work, because it will be much more difficult to fix things then, rather than when the problem is detected at an early stage.
Stop for a moment and ask yourself, whether this is happening in your marriage. If it's not, then good for you, but if it is, then better start mapping out a way to get things back on track. What are things that make you feel appreciated? Everybody wants to be valued and loved, rather than taken for granted. Start the day by letting your partner know you appreciate them, it doesn't have to be something big, a simple I love you, a kiss, or maybe an unexpected hug will do the trick. Showing appreciation and learning how to pay attention can go a long way towards making marriage work.
Communication is Key to Making Marriage Work
Quality communication is key when it comes to a healthy relationship, be it married or not married, communication is essential during any type of relationship. Women, don't make the mistake of thinking that your partner knows what is on your mind. Men, try talking a little more with your wife, even though many men feel uncomfortable talking in these situations. Many times issues get swept under the rug due to lack of communication, and with time, will destroy, or cause a relationship to crumble.
Sometimes you need to ask yourself how important making your marriage work is to you. Don't let your marriage welter away due to lack of communication. For some of you, this might be hard because you grew up in a home where your parents hardly acknowledged each other, but it doesn't mean that it is right. Try it today, and initiate a conversation between you and your partner and see what happens. Your partner might be shocked the first time, but with time you all can develop great communication skills.
Another thing, if things get heated, don't walk away. Make it a rule! Yes, I know at times you or your partner will want to walk and shut the door, but listen to what is being said. Make sure both you throw in your 2 cents and hopefully things will get resolved. Don't get me wrong when I say throw in your 2 cents, by that I mean state your opinion, in no way do I mean to put down your partner or blurt out how bad he or she is in bed. Keep your 2 cents with the issue at hand.
These tips, showing appreciation and good communication, are two very important aspects when it comes to making marriage work. Promise to change your outlook on things and the way you perceive how a relationship should be. Don't think about yourself, instead think about your relationship. This will show your partner how you truly feel and how important he or she really is to you.
Do you want to learn the secret to a devoted marriage? How do those couples do it? How do they stay together for 10, 20, 30 years…and still feel that love, connection, and unbreakable desire for each other? The secret is revealed on the next page. So if you feel like your marriage is about to take its last few breaths, then I urge you to visit the next page: Click Here Now!
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Recently, I heard from a woman who had confessed that her marriage "just didn't work" for her anymore. She said: in part: "My marriage used to make me happy and made me a better person. But now it just makes me angry and bitter. I don't like the person that I become when I'm around my husband. I become petty, sarcastic, and miserable. We used to have the same goals but now we want completely different things. I almost feel as though I've outgrown him. What are you supposed to do when your marriage just doesn't work for you anymore? I never thought I would contemplate a divorce, but I guess I am."
When I was able to dialogue a little more with the wife, it became obvious that her marriage had changed after she got a huge promotion at her job. Suddenly, she was working and socializing with what she called "an upwardly mobile" class of people. Her ambition was heightened and she very much embraced this change in lifestyle. Her husband, however, didn't. But the wife saw his apprehension toward the lifestyle and took that as a rejection of her.
She swore she didn't care, but I suspected this wasn't true. If she didn't care or wasn't somewhat invested, then why was she searching for information on the internet and why did she need for me to comment on her decision? The truth is, when people are at peace with their decisions or know that their marriage has come to a natural end, they don't need any one else's approval or guidance. That was not the case here. In the following article, I'll tell you some of the feedback that I gave this wife.
If You're Marriage Isn't Working For You, Have You Asked Yourself How Much You've Worked On It?: One of my first questions to this wife was what she had done to address her concerns. She admitted that she hadn't done anything because she suspected that any of her efforts would be a waste of time. She was pretty sure that she and her husband just weren't compatible anymore, so her position was that she really shouldn't bother.
The thing was, the wife was never going to know if her marriage could be improved or saved if she never made any efforts on its behalf. When I told her this, she admitted that she just didn't know what to do or where to begin. In her mind, anything she tried was going to fail because her husband didn't see things in the way that she did.
I told her that this may well turn out to be true, but she wasn't even giving him the chance to confirm or deny her suspicions. She was making assumption that may have been absolutely false. If the roles were reversed, would she want for him to make assumptions about her based on his perceptions that she wasn't sophisticated or ambitious enough to make a real effort?
Making Your Marriage Work For You Rather Than Allowing It To Work Against You: After a bit of dialog, it become obvious that the wife's real concern was that the marriage was going to hold her back and keep her from getting the things that she wanted out of life. She worried that her coworkers wouldn't approve of her husband. I had to remind her that we were talking about her life and her marriage, and not that of her coworkers.
In truth, the only two people who needed to enter this equation were the two of them. And in reality, the husband hadn't made any attempt to hold the wife back. Admittedly, he didn't involve himself in her job or career, but I suspected it was because he knew that she had concerns and he was in self preservation mode. In situations like this, people often base their actions on their assumptions. The husband could very well have assumed that his wife was ashamed of him and this was fueling his actions and lack of involvement. The wife, in turn, misinterpreted it and took it to mean that her husband was rejecting her new lifestyle.
Neither one of these things were necessarily true. But, neither of them were ever going to know if they continued to dance around the issues rather than address them directly. I suggested that the wife share some of concerns and see how the husband responded. She had not yet given him this opportunity, so in truth, she had no idea how he was going to respond.
I also asked her if her marriage was really dependent upon her husband completely immersing himself into her new lifestyle. Nothing said it was necessary for him to become 100% involved in her career. He wasn't asking this of her. And, he could be supportive of and happy for her without needed to be totally involved in each and everything she did. Many marriages are able to do this on a daily basis.
I suspected that the real issues wasn't the job, the couple's social status, or even their personalities. The issue was the wife's perception that they didn't want the same things. But, the wife was looking at this very literally. Because in truth, most people do want the same things. They want to be happy. They want to feel loved. And they want to feel as if their actions give them some control over their life and their own experiences. Now, the methods that they used to reach these things may differ depending on values and personality. But most people really do want the same things. How they attempt to get there will vary.
You Can't Expect For Your Marriage To Fulfill Every Aspect Of Your Life: I see this mistake happen a lot. Sometimes, when people aren't happy in one area of their life, they project this unhappiness onto the marriage. Sometimes, they will take it so far as to get a divorce. But eventually, they look around and wonder why they still aren't happy. The thing is, the only thing they changed was their marital status. And since they were projecting all of their problems onto the marriage, but never addressed the real problems, they are still unhappy and getting the same results because the same old problems remain.
It's unfair to expect your marriage or your spouse to fulfill you in every way or to be completely compatible with every aspect of your varied personality. It's perfectly fine to keep some areas of your life separate from your marriage. That's what additional friendships and other outlets are for. Nothing said that this couple couldn't continue to have a fulfilling marriage even if their careers were quite different from one another.
So, I suppose my answer to the wife's question of whether she should seek a divorce if the marriage was no longer working for her would be not until she had done everything in her power to see what issues she was projecting on the marriage and then attempting to fix them. This is only my opinion, but I've seen countless marriages evolve from one that just "isn't working" to one that is working quite well.
You CAN save your marriage - even if your spouse says that they want a divorce.
You CAN rebuild that passion you felt for one another when you first kissed. And you can bring back that love and devotion you felt for one another when both of you said, "I love you" for the first time.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favour and visit the next page that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world: Save Your Marriage Now
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