My Husband Cheated On Me And I Don’t Love Him Anymore: Should I Leave My Husband For Cheating
My husband cheated on me and I don’t love him anymore - Should I leave my husband for cheating.
Need to know what you should do if you just found out your husband cheated on you? It can be one of the hardest realities you'll ever have to face -- knowing that your husband was with another woman. Maybe it was an emotional affair. Or maybe it was a full blown secretive relationship. Either way, if you never thought about cheating on your husband, chances are you didn't think he would cheat on you, either. So how do you come to terms with your relationship? What do you do now that you know your husband had an affair?
You really have to start by giving yourself a chance to think things through. If you act on a knee-jerk reaction right now you could regret it later. This is especially true if you think you might be able to eventually forgive him. So don't go out and get a lawyer just yet. Give yourself a few days or a week to decide what you really think about things before you make any major decisions.
Does your husband seem truly sorry for cheating on you? Do you think that he would cheat on you again? If you just found out he cheated, then it can be hard to really know what the truth is anymore. If you caught him cheating and he says he's sorry, it could seem like maybe he's only saying that because you caught him red-handed. After all, would he really have told you he cheated if you hadn't caught him? How will you ever know? But you do know, deep down inside, if you believe what he's saying. It might take some time for you to really listen to your inner voice, but you do know. And it's up to you to decide if you want to give him a second chance or not.
Do you know what needs to change in your relationship for you to give him a second chance? Even if you can't trust him right away, does your husband seem willing to change things to make you more comfortable? Is he willing to stop all contact with the woman he had the affair with? Whatever your terms are, your husband should be focused on giving them to you if he wants to make your marriage work.
Of course that doesn't mean that you need to make him grovel and beg and be your slave for the next 10 years to prove he loves you. But if your husband cheated on you, it is only natural for you to want some things to change in your relationship from this point forward. If you have legitimate, reasonable demands that will help you feel better about staying with him, then he should make a solid attempt at meeting them. Don't feel bad for demanding what you need.
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I often hear from women who are having a hard time believing that they are ever going to feel the same way about their man and their relationship again. Even though that many of these women really do want to save their relationship, some doubt that this is going to be possible for them. They just can't foresee ever feeling love for a man again after he cheated on them.
I recently heard from a wife who was experiencing this first hand. She said, in part: "how do you love a man again after he cheats or has an affair? Because I can't imagine that this is ever going to be possible for me. And I can't be married to a man who I don't love. But his infidelity changed my love for him. Because when I look at him now, I see a completely different man. He's no longer the loyal, attentive, and rock solid man I married. I now see him as dishonest, sneaky, and manipulative. I don't want to end my marriage, but I can't see any way around it when I no longer feel love for this man. And I feel that love and marriage go hand in hand. Would it ever be possible for me to love him again? Or am I just wasting my time?"
These weren't questions that I could answer for this wife. But I could tell her that many women are able to love men again after cheating, an affair, or infidelity. This often isn't an immediate or fast process, but it is quite possible. I will discuss this more in the following article.
Loving Him Again After He Cheats Or Has An Affair Isn't Something That You Should Expect To Happen Immediately: I can't help but notice that many of the women who ask about feeling love again after infidelity are relatively new to this situation. Of course, when you are newly struggling, you want to know for how long you can expect the struggles to last. It's natural to want to feel better and to want to get your life back to normal as soon as you possibly can.
But love is a very deep and complex emotion. It isn't something that can be forced or just decided upon. It takes time for it to grow. And it takes time for it to be rebuilt once it has been tested. In order to love someone, you must respect, admire, and genuinely like them. You often will need to believe that they bring something to the table and add something to your life that you can not (and do not want to) get from any one else. But, when a man has disappointed you in this way, it can be difficult to feel this these things for him.
However, this doesn't mean that you won't ever feel love for him again. Many women do, in time. But usually, a lot of things need to happen between today and the day that you begin to feel loving toward him again. You will need time to observe him making good on his promises and conducting himself in a way that you can respect, respond to, and admire again. As I'm sure you might imagine, this is a gradual process. There may be days when you can't imagine feeling love for him again because you are so angry at him. And you may not believe that there will be a day when this anger lessens, even a little bit. But time can be more healing than you can imagine. And he can and sometimes will rise to the occasion in ways that you might not have previously imagined or hoped for.
The Burden Of Loving An Unfaithful Man Again Lies (At Least Somewhat) With Him: Many women that I dialogue with give me the impression that they think that loving their man again is an obstacle that they must overcome alone. It's almost as if they think they have to make a decision or declaration about their love no matter what circumstances or struggles are happening around them. It's just not that easy. You can't turn your feelings on and off at will. And you can't love someone who isn't proving to deserving of your love.
It's my opinion that while you have the responsibility to decide if you want to be open to the idea of loving him again, he has the responsibility to show himself to be worthy of your love. He can't expect you to feel very loving toward him if he's not doing everything in his power to prove to you that it's safe to do so.
I sometimes have men contact me on my blog and tell me that they are devastated because their wives or girlfriends have decided not to love them anymore. I often respond by asking them what they have done to earn her love all over again. In other words, what have they done to show themselves to be truth worthy, rehabilitated, and remorseful? I have to tell you that it's obvious that some men just don't have a clue that your loving them is completely connected to their actions and behaviors after the infidelity.
And I do believe that this doesn't mean that they're stupid or that they just don't care. But it often means that men can be lost about what they should be doing after they cheated. Many will look to their wife or girlfriend for clues as to how they should behave. Unfortunately, often their wife or girlfriend is waiting for them to make the first move. As a result, sometimes no one makes any move and both people wonder why nothing positive is happening to move the relationship and the feelings forward.
If your husband or boyfriend hasn't done enough to inspire your loving feelings for him again, I would recommend speaking up and requesting what you need. Because sometimes, men just don't know what you expect or they don't understand what would be their best course of action. Many women resist having to "spell out" what they need. They think that their man should know what to do or should immediately begin making things right because he is sincere. The truth is, many sincere men are just at a loss. They aren't sure if you want for them to back off and leave you or alone or if you want them to take action.
Frankly, sometimes asking for the behaviors that you need to see provides the best possible outcome. Seeing him work tirelessly to regain your trust, to show his love, and to make things right can eventually bring about those loving feelings that we've been taking about. So to answer the question posed, yes, it is possible for you to love a man again after he cheats or has an affair. But often, it takes time and it takes very measured efforts. You often don't get the best results if both of you just sort of sit back with a "wait and see" attitude while waiting on the other to make the first move.
You CAN save your marriage - even if your spouse says that they want a divorce.
You CAN rebuild that passion you felt for one another when you first kissed. And you can bring back that love and devotion you felt for one another when both of you said, "I love you" for the first time.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favour and visit the next page that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world: Save Your Marriage Now
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I Don’t Love My Husband Anymore What Do I Do
How To Stop A Cheating Husband From Cheating